Ask Special Guest Columnist Brad Pit

Dear Special Guest Columnist Brad Pitt,

When are you going to dump Angelina and marry me instead?

Sincerely,
Larsima Herpamer*:


Dear LarsH:

I was just about to do that very thing when Angelina inflated her hypnotic lips and...well...now, sadly, I'm under her spell. I've lost all free will. Otherwise, I'd be in your arms right now.

Sincerely (almost) yours:
Bradleyford Pittworthington**




*editor's note: Name changed to protect the "innocent." (snort)

**editor's other note: No wonder he shortened his name. Wanna bet the kids picked kicked his ass every day on the playground? Who's laughing now, bizatches!